(Sung to the tune of "Big Bad John")
Ev'ry mornin' at the White House you could see him arrive,
He stood five foot ten and weighed two twenty-five.
Kinda broad at the shoulder and broader at the hip,
And everybody knew ya didn't give no lip to Big Dick.
Big Dick, Big Di-ick, Big Bad Dick Big Dick.
Nobody seemed to know where Dick called home,
He just drifted into town and stayed all alone.
He didn't say much, kinda quiet and sly,
And if you spoke at all, you just said "Hi" to Big Dick.
Somebody said he came from Wyom-ing,
Where he majored in captain of the football team.
And with a flourish of a huge right hand,
Wrote for a draft deferment out of Vietnam. Big Dick.
Big Dick, Big Di-ick, Big Bad Dick Big Dick.
To make war on [Top Secret] he invaded Iraq,
Talked energy policy with Big Oil out back.
Formed a fourth branch of government, when all of that caved,
Designed to make sure one person was saved: Big Dick.
His shills and his pundits rushed to dig him back out,
Then came that rumble way down in the ground.
As thund’rous laughter belched out of Site R,
Everybody knew it was just part of war to Big Dick.
Big Dick, Big Di-ick, Big Bad Dick Big Dick.
Then came the outing of Valerie Plame,
When the word got out and men started prayin'.
Advisors were cryin' and hearts beat fast,
And everybody thought that they'd breathed their last 'cept Dick.
Through the smoke and the mirrors of this man-made hell,
Walked a giant of a man the advisors knew well.
He walked from there to [undisclosed],
And left Scooter Libby to face the music alone - Big Dick.
Big Dick, Big Di-ick, Big Bad Dick Big Dick.
Now Dick Cheney just calls it in;
As for his office: there’s a stand in front of it.
These few words are written on that stand,
"At the bottom of this presidency lies a big, big man: Big Dick"
Big Dick, Big Di-ick, Big Bad Dick Big Dick.
If you have never heard Jimmy Dean’s 1961 hit song, "Big Bad John", the tune to which this parody is meant to be sung, you can hear it at YouTube via this link. The song was written by Dean and Roy Acuff.